After-School Restraint Collapse

Here we are! A few weeks into the new school year. Teachers say your child is doing great in the classroom and things are going well. But once your kiddo is home, it seems like they’ve lost all sense and fall out into fits of crying, yelling or anger. We’ve entered into the realm of after-school restraint collapse.

Unlike a temper tantrum where you child is pushing boundaries or trying to get their way, after-school restraint collapse is more of a meltdown - they’ve just spent all their capacity for expected behavior and can’t “keep it together” any longer.

Who does it impact

All people have a form of restraint collapse. Adults may need a wind down after a particularly stressful day at work. Preschoolers may be hyper stimulated with so much newness. Grade schoolers may be overly tired or hungry after a long day at school. Teenagers may be disrespectful or rude.

When does it appear

Like the title of the phenomenon suggests, this type of behavior occurs after school, when the child is returned to their safe place. It’s more common in the earlier parts of the school year before new and trusted routines have been fully established. “Kids have to hold it together all day long at school. There are all sorts of expectations, disappointments and challenges to manage, and all of this without your loving presence nearby. It can be exhausting.” says Vanessa Lapointe, a parenting educator and registered psychologist in Surrey, BC.

After-school restrain collapse typically subsides once children are better equipped to handle the changes in their schedules and environments.

How to treat

• Make room for the meltdown

  • As long as they are safe and not hurting themselves or others, let the meltdown happen

• Try not to take the outbursts personally

  • It really isn’t about you. They just need to get their feelings out.

• Validate their emotions

  • Talk about what you’re seeing “You are having big feelings.” “It’s ok to feel ___”

  • Help them talk about what they’re feeling “It must have been a long day.”

• Find ways for them to decompress at the end of the day

  • bike ride

  • trampoline

  • swinging

• Give them time and space after pick up

  • Ride/walk home quietly

    • Avoid rapid fire questions about their day

      • Let them talk to you

  • Don’t plan big events or playdates immediately after school

  • Have a healthy snack prepped

How BLT can help

If you’re still experiencing after-school restraint collapse and would like more help, reach out to us. Our speech therapists can help with social emotional knowledge and vocabulary. Our physical therapists can suggest activities to help blow off steam and our occupational therapists know the best ways to help kiddos regulate their little bodies. Our mental health therapists can talk you through other strategies. Our feeding therapists have loads of fun ways to make snack time enjoyable and healthy.