10 Quick Tips for Mealtimes with Picky Eaters

10 Quick Tips for Mealtimes with Picky Eaters

Brooke Heinz
Education, Treatment

By Brooke Heinz, MA, CCC-SLP and Michelle Phillips

As parents we want our children to grow and be healthy. We know that making informed decisions about food, healthy eating, and exercise are important. But what if your child has a limited diet?  If mealtimes are a stressful time in your household, you might find that serving something your child will actually eat outweighs the desire to serve something healthy.

Picky eating often causes family conflict and parent stress. It’s common for picky eating to lead to arguments and battles of will between parents and children. Arguing or trying to force a child to eat something they don’t want usually makes the situation worse. So what should you do instead? If you are struggling with a picky eater here are some quick tips to help you during mealtimes. 

Ten Tips for Reducing Mealtime Stress 

Eat Together

Have at least one meal together as a family around the table each day. We’ve all heard about the importance of family meals for children’s physical, social, and emotional well-being. One study showed that children who ate family meals four or more times per week were more likely to eat fruits and vegetables, do better in school, maintain average weight, and were less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol. Watching parents eat healthily can positively influence children’s own behavior and nutritional choices as they grow. Children learn by how we live and mealtimes are a great opportunity to develop relationships and share our values. 

Adjust your child’s seat

“Postural stability is actually our bodies’ second priority (eating is the third priority). One reason is it helps protect our brains. Postural stability ideally keeps us upright and prevents us from falling on our heads. Your body focuses on how to keep your head safe! So, when we are stable, it frees up the motor brain power to sit and focus on whatever the task is.” (Supporting Your Child's Posture for Meals (and Schoolwork) - SOS Approach to Feeding) 

Make sure your child’s hips, knees, and ankles are at 90 degrees. The table should be between their belly button and their chest. This seating provides children with the postural support they need in order to do the difficult fine motor tasks of picking up foods, manipulating utensils, and chewing. If you notice your child getting up and wandering during meals, one of the first things to look at is their seat. 

Our feeding therapists recommend the Tripp Trapp chair as a great option for proper postural support from six months to three years. This chair also has the benefit of bringing your child closer to the table and family so they can feel like a part of the conversation. Other ideas and information about proper posture at meal time can be found here: The Best Position for Your Child During Mealtime. 

Minimize distractions

Screens, pets, and other distractions can prevent your child from learning the muscle movements, sensory, and social engagement that are involved in eating. Their brain focuses on learning about what is on the screen, not on how to eat new foods. To help your child eat more foods, you can slowly add screen-free meals or snacks to your child’s day. If you also join your child for screen-free meals or snacks, your child gets to watch you and learn from you.

If your child will only eat with a distractor, do not attempt to wean them off without instruction and guidance from your feeding therapist. Doing so could lead them to stop eating entirely. 

Use objective language 

Use objective language, focusing on the facts and without judgment, to describe food. Instead of ‘good, bad, yummy, yucky,’ use describing words for the food. Pay attention to all of your senses, not just taste! Use words like firm, soft, wet, dry, sticky, sweet, bitter, sour, etc. 

Invite your child to participate in this process by asking them questions and responding. Some questions you could ask include: 

  • What does it look like? 

  • What color is it? 

  • What texture is it? 

  • What does it smell like?

  • What does it taste like? 

Stay calm and focused 

Stay calm and keep the conversation centered around food. This is easier said than done, of course! Take a few minutes before heading into the kitchen to breathe and give yourself a chance to switch gears from whatever else was going on during the day. During the meal, try to keep the conversation focused on the positives of the meal without pressuring kids to eat. When you stop pressuring them to eat a certain food or a certain amount of food, you can end some of your mealtime stress. For more tips on creating a calm mealtime atmosphere: 6 Ways to De-Stress at the Dinner Table.  

Encourage your child to play with the food

I know, I know, this goes against everything our parents taught us at the dinner table! However, kids learn through play, and bringing that concept to mealtime can be a game-changer for many kids, especially for kids with sensory challenges or certain food or texture aversions. They will be much more likely to engage with food if it’s fun. While table manners are a valuable skill, those can come in due course.

Playing with food might mean allowing kids the freedom to stack, roll, squash, or mash what’s on their plate. The aim of these activities is just to get comfortable with the idea of new food and all its sensory components like texture, scent, and color. This is especially helpful when introducing foods your children haven’t seen before.

Use food in play activities outside of mealtimes 

Letting your kids play with their food without pressure to actually eat it can help them safely explore new tastes and textures in an anxiety-free environment. Try a variety of food play activities. For example, cut a large piece of fruit and put it back together for a 3d puzzle, or use whipped cream or another puree to draw and make shapes on a cookie-cutter (cover with plastic wrap or parchment paper for easy clean-up). Visit the Kids Eat in Color site for more food activity ideas. There are also lots of fun ideas like this one, “Blueberry Baseball,” on YouTube! 

Let your kids be messy! 

Let your little one get all covered in the food they are eating. Wait till they are finished eating to wash them off. This allows kids to explore how the foods feel on their bodies, an important step to learning to like foods.

Get your child involved

Get your children involved in the preparation and clean-up of meals. This provides children with another way for them to interact with foods without the pressure of eating them. Kids love to feel valued and important. Simple ways to get your kids involved in meal planning and preparation include: 

  • Let your child plan or help plan at least one meal per week 

  • Give your child the store ads that come in the mail and let them circle or cut out foods

  • If they’re old enough to read, let them cross items off the shopping list 

  • While shopping have children help identify colors, count foods, or otherwise engage 

  • Many children love to help wash produce 

Check out this great list of age-appropriate activities for your child: How Young Kids Can Help in the Kitchen: A List of Activities by Age | Kitchn!  

Show empathy 

Understand that eating is a difficult process for kids. It’s a multisystem process that temporarily inhibits breathing (yikes!) and impacts how kids feel inside and outside of their bodies. Additionally, some children have difficulties with swallowing or eating foods with a particular texture, smell, or color. 

Seeking Help 

Refusing to eat a certain food, throwing tantrums or showing other behaviors during meals, or gagging and vomiting around certain foods can be very difficult. 

If you think your child may need more professional support, looking for a feeding specialist is a great next step. There are many strategies you can use at home and because eating is such a complex task a professional can help ensure these areas are addressed and strengthened to support your child and family. 

“The good news is that feeding therapy can help! The earlier you begin working with a feeding therapist, the faster you will see changes. It is much easier to change a 2-year-old’s relationship to food than a 12-year-old’s; however, feeding therapy can help make mealtimes more enjoyable for people of all ages! Adults can even benefit from these strategies.” (Red Flags - SOS Approach to Feeding)

Feeding Therapy At Better Learning Therapies 

At Better Learning Therapies, we are proud of our interdisciplinary team! When you call us, we’ll set up an evaluation to assess your child's current feeding skills. We schedule feeding evaluations around your child's typical eating schedule and ask you to bring 3 of your child's preferred food items and 3 of your child's non-preferred food items to the clinic that day. The assessment will occur as a natural eating experience with you and your child. We will develop a specific feeding plan of care, any needed recommendations, and a treatment schedule for your child based on our observations in the assessment.

Most clients will benefit from an individualized 12-week program that can be repeated if needed to continue addressing feeding needs. Click Here to learn more about feeding therapy at BLT.

Check out our other blog posts from our Feeding Therapists! 

Sources and Further Reading 

All About Hands and Handwriting Part One: Understanding Your Hands

All About Hands and Handwriting Part One: Understanding Your Hands
A Day in the Life of an SLP at Better Learning Therapies

A Day in the Life of an SLP at Better Learning Therapies
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